By Coach G. Dubai’s Life Coach
We’re drowning in a world that glorifies leaving over looking within. Swiping right, ghosting, “moving on”, it’s all easier than staring into the mirror of a relationship and seeing your own shit.
But here’s the brutal truth: you can’t outrun yourself. Every time you bolt from discomfort, you’re just delaying the inevitable.
Real love, the kind that heals, awakens, and expands your consciousness, doesn’t start when you find “the one.” It begins where it gets hard, where your triggers flare, your wounds bleed, and your ego screams for an exit. That’s not dysfunction. That’s where you meet your shadow, your truth, and your power.
This isn’t about chasing romance or settling for less. It’s about choosing someone brave enough to stand with you in the fire and build something real. Because love isn’t a feeling. It’s a frequency. It’s a conscious act of creation that demands you stop running and start facing, yourself, your partner, and the messy, sacred work of growing together.
The Illusion of “Better Out There”
You think the grass is greener somewhere else? Think again ! Every time you run from a relationship because it’s “too hard,” you’re not escaping a flawed partner, you’re fleeing your own reflection. That new face, new voice, new name? Just another mask for the same lessons you’ve been dodging FOREVER. Your triggers, your patterns, your unhealed wounds, they’re not tied to them. They’re wired into you.
Quantum psychology tells us your inner frequency shapes your outer reality. If your subconscious hums with doubt (“I’m not enough,” “I’ll be abandoned”), you’ll keep attracting mirrors that reflect those fears. Changing partners doesn’t rewire your frequency. Facing your patterns does. As I’ve said before : “Your reality is your creation. Own it or it owns you.”
Love isn’t about finding someone who never pokes your wounds. That’s a stupid fantasy, a pretty prison where nothing grows. Real love is choosing a partner who’s willing to see their own shadows while holding space for yours. Someone who doesn’t run when your ego clashes or your fears surface. Someone who says, “I’m here. Let’s do the work.” That’s not perfection but it’s presence. And presence is the only soil where love can finally root.
It Takes Two to See One
Here’s the spiritual gut-punch: you can’t fully know yourself alone. You can meditate for decades, chant mantras, or journal until your hand cramps, but the moment your partner’s tone shifts or their silence stings, your ego’s back in the driver’s seat. Why? Because solitude lets you hide. Connection exposes you.
Your partner is your mirror, and mirrors don’t lie. They reflect your unhealed wounds, your control issues, your fear of being seen, or abandoned.
This is the first law of conscious love: One cannot see itself without a mirror. In the Corpus Hermeticum (See article : What Is The Corpus Hermeticum ), the divine mind knows itself through creation. In relationships, you know yourself through the other. Every trigger, every clash, every moment of feeling unseen is a red arrow pointing to where your consciousness needs to expand. Your partner’s not the problem, they’re the portal.
Take my client, “James”, i will use that name for privacy reasons. He kept leaving relationships, blaming his partners for “not getting him.” But when he faced his fear of rejection, reflected in their criticism, he saw it wasn’t about them. It was his childhood wound, screaming for healing. By staying, he didn’t just save his relationship. He awakened to himself.
Running from the mirror keeps you asleep. Facing it raises your frequency. That’s the work of love: to see yourself clearly, shadows and all, and choose to grow through the discomfort.
Here is a Challenge:
Next time you’re triggered by your partner, pause. Ask: “What part of me is this reflecting?” Journal the answer without censoring.
Love Is a Conscious Creation
Forget the fairy tale. Love isn’t a spark you stumble into, it’s a fire you build, log by log, through choice and courage. It’s not magic. It’s work. And it starts with two people willing to own their shit, regulate their nervous systems, and choose truth over comfort every damn day.
Here’s what real love demands:
Radical Responsibility
No more blaming your partner for your triggers. Their words might sting, but the pain’s yours to heal. As I tweeted on X (May 17, 2025), “Stop decorating your emotional prison. Own your reality.”
Emotional Mastery
Learn to feel your feelings without reacting. Your partner’s not your therapist, co-regulate, don’t co-depend.
Conscious Communication
Speak from presence, not protection. Instead of “You always ignore me,” try “I feel unseen when we don’t connect.” Truth builds bridges; blame burns them.
Daily Choice
Love isn’t a one-time vow. It’s choosing your partner through boredom, triggers, and silence, knowing growth lies on the other side.
The couples who thrive aren’t the ones who never fight. They’re the ones who stay in the fire without torching the relationship. They see conflict as an invitation, to heal the root, rewire reactions, and deepen trust.
Take boredom, for example. It’s not a sign to leave, it’s a signal to create. Plan a raw, honest date night. Ask: “What’s one truth we’re avoiding?” Or silence? Don’t assume it’s rejection. Ask: “What’s alive in you right now?” These are conscious acts that turn friction into fuel.
Another Challenge:
Have a 10-minute truth talk with your partner. Share one fear or need without blaming. Listen to theirs without defending.
The Cost of Running
Maybe you’re not ready. Maybe you still think love should “just feel right”. Maybe you’re waiting for the mythical soulmate who never triggers you, never bores you, never makes you work.
If that’s you, keep running. Keep swiping. Keep ghosting. But know this: you’re not chasing love. You’re chasing a fantasy. And fantasies don’t heal you, they numb you.
Every time you run, you reinforce your low-frequency patterns. Your fear of abandonment? It grows. Your need for control? It tightens. Your resistance to being seen? It hardens. You don’t need a partner right now, you need a mirror, a journal, and some guts.
Running costs you more than a relationship. It costs you your consciousness. It keeps you stuck in the same loop, rehearsing pain instead of rewriting your reality. The only way out is through. Through the triggers, the wounds, the work.
One small exercise:
List three times you ran from a relationship. What fear drove you? Commit to facing that fear in your next connection.
The Gift of Staying
Real love is the kind that cracks you open, heals you, and awakens you to your highest frequency. It’s not found in the easy moments, the candlelit dinners, or the butterflies. It’s forged in the hard ones, when you’re triggered, when you’re scared, when you want to run but choose to stay.
When you stay, you’re not just choosing your partner. You’re choosing yourself. You’re saying, “I’m done hiding. I’m ready to see my shadows, heal my wounds, and live awake.” You’re aligning with the universal law of creation: what you face, you transform. What you flee, you repeat.
Choose someone who’s willing to walk through the dark with you, not just dance in the light. Someone who sees your triggers as red arrows, not red flags, pointing to where the real work lives. Someone who’s as committed to their growth as you are to yours. That’s not a soulmate. That’s a soul mirror. And together, you’ll reflect the divine.
Because love, at its core, is consciousness in action. It’s two people choosing to see, to heal, to create. It’s the courage to stop running and start building, a life, a truth, a frequency that ripples beyond you both.
I’d like to end up on those few words….
It takes courage to stop running and start building a life, a truth, a frequency that ripples beyond you both. But let’s be clear: Love in a relationship requires work.
And it takes two.Two people willing to look deep within, face their shadows, and rise.
If one of you isn’t willing to do that?
Then enjoy the Kleenex treatment. Because without conscious effort, all you’ll ever hold…
Is your own unhealed story.
