Build a Strong Union: Heal Together for a Thriving Family

May 6, 2024 Coach G No Comments

Having children is one of the most life-altering experiences a couple can go through. As someone who’s been through it, I can tell you firsthand how it transforms not just your day-to-day life but the very nature of your relationship, or more precisely, your union. After our second child, we realized that more than just “managing” the relationship, we had to put in the work to build a divine union, a bond that was strong, clear, and unshakable in all forms. This isn’t just about maintaining love; it’s about creating a union that can withstand the intensity that children bring into a household.

Many people mistakenly believe that love will carry them through the difficulties of parenthood, but love is often confused with expectations, control, or the idea of what the other person should be. True love is free, it cannot be confined by expectations or forced into the narrow definitions we place on it. Yet, at the same time, love is a commitment. It requires a strong foundation, and without that foundation, the weight of parenting can easily strain even the strongest relationships.

Children Are Mirrors: Why They Amplify Preexisting Dynamics

Children, especially when they are young, demand so much from us that any unresolved issues in the union will inevitably rise to the surface. They are like mirrors, reflecting back to us everything that is unresolved or not healed. After our first child, we noticed this happening, but it wasn’t until after our second child arrived that we fully understood the depth of what was at stake. The cracks in our foundation started to show, and we knew that if we didn’t address them, they would only deepen.

This isn’t about blaming children for relationship problems, they are just amplifying what’s already there. Whether it’s miscommunication, emotional distance, or unspoken expectations, all of it becomes more visible when a child enters the equation. It’s like adding weight to a bridge, if the foundation is weak, it will collapse under pressure.

The Importance of a Divine Union

A union goes beyond just being a “relationship.” It’s a sacred bond built on trust, communication, and mutual growth. In many spiritual traditions, it’s referred to as a divine union, a term that resonates deeply with the experience of parenthood. A divine union is not just about love as we typically think of it, romantic or emotional, it’s about love that is free, expansive, and deeply committed.

Why use the term divine union? Because it defines the strength, purity, and intentionality required to thrive in the face of challenges. Love in a divine union cannot be about control or possession. It cannot be confined to expectations of who the other person should be or what they should give us. Love must be free, free to evolve, free to grow, and free to breathe. But freedom in love doesn’t mean a lack of responsibility. It is a commitment to each other, to the union, and to the family as a whole.

Love Without Expectations

One of the biggest traps couples fall into is trying to hold love within the walls of expectation. We expect our partner to act a certain way, to fulfill certain roles, and to meet our emotional needs in specific ways. But this isn’t love, it’s control. Real love is free, it cannot be incarcerated behind expectations, and it certainly cannot thrive in an environment where one partner is constantly trying to shape or mold the other.

As parents, this becomes even more critical. Children will challenge every preconceived notion of who you are as individuals and as a couple. They will test your patience, your stamina, and your emotional resilience. If your love is bound by expectations, it will not survive the pressures that children bring. But if your love is free, if it is based on commitment, trust, and the mutual desire to grow, then your union will only strengthen through these challenges.

How to Build a Strong Union Before Children

The time to build this divine union is before children arrive. Addressing issues after children are born is still possible, of course, but it becomes exponentially more difficult when you’re in the thick of parenting duties. By building a strong foundation early, you ensure that your union can withstand the intensity that comes with raising children.

Heal Unresolved Issues:
Take the time to heal any wounds, emotional or otherwise, before entering parenthood. Whether through therapy, open communication, or self-reflection, healing is non-negotiable. You can’t expect to create a divine union without first addressing the issues that could undermine it.
Establish Trust and Openness:
Trust is the bedrock of any strong union. Be honest with each other about your fears, your vulnerabilities, and your hopes. Don’t shy away from difficult conversations; they are the pathway to deeper connection.
Commit to Growth:
A union is not a static thing. It requires constant growth from both partners. Commit to growing not just as individuals, but as a couple. Learn from each other, challenge each other, and support each other’s personal journeys.
Let Go of Expectations:
This is perhaps the hardest part. Let go of any expectations you have about who your partner should be. Love them for who they are, and allow the union to evolve organically. The less you try to control the outcome, the more beautiful the union will become.

After the Arrival of Children: Keeping the Union Strong

After our second child, we realized that the work we had done on our union was what allowed us to navigate the chaos and joy of parenthood with grace. There were still challenges, of course, but because we had taken the time to heal, communicate, and grow together, those challenges only served to strengthen our bond.

For anyone preparing to become a parent, know this: children will amplify everything in your relationship. If there are unresolved issues, they will rise to the surface. But if your union is built on love, trust, and freedom, then those challenges will only make you stronger. The work is worth it.

A divine union is not about being perfect; it’s about being committed, to each other, to growth, and to the family you are building together. When love is free and strong, it can’t be broken. It will flow through every challenge, every sleepless night, every disagreement, and every joy, carrying you both to deeper levels of connection and fulfillment.

A Union Built on Love and Freedom

Children are a blessing, but they are also a challenge that will test the strength of any union. If you’ve done the work to build a divine union before their arrival, you will be better equipped to handle the pressures and joys of parenthood. Remember that love is not about control or expectation, it’s about freedom, commitment, and trust. Build your union on these principles, and it will not only survive the storms of parenthood, it will thrive, it seems simple, but it’s not. You will be tested !

In the end, parenting is not just about raising children, it’s about raising your union to new heights, together.