Forgive Your Parents: They Were Learning Too

Forgive, It Will Set You Free

I come from a highly dysfunctional family. There were days when the chaos seemed endless, when every conversation turned into an argument, and when love seemed to be replaced with resentment and blame. I eventually left that environment at an early age, eager to find peace and build a life of my own. I was determined to break the cycle, to create a family that didn’t carry the weight of the past. Today, I have four children, and every day, I make choices for them, choices I wish my parents had made for me, choices that I know will help them grow with love and security.

Yet, as much as I tried to leave the past behind, it still finds its way into my present. I recently had a long conversation with one of my siblings, and it left me with a sense of sadness. It wasn’t the first time we spoke about our childhood, but this time, I realized something that felt like a revelation: the core of her struggles, her inability to move forward, was a refusal to forgive.

Forgiveness is hard. It’s a word that’s easier said than done. It’s easier to blame, to hold onto the hurt, to dwell on everything that went wrong. My siblings do this, it’s as if they are stuck, replaying the same painful memories over and over again, unable to move beyond what our parents did or didn’t do. And while I may understand their pain, I’ve come to a point in my life long ago where I could no longer hold onto it. I’ve chosen to forgive. Not because the past wasn’t painful, but because I wanted to live in peace, and because I wanted to teach my children something different.

Learning to Forgive My Parents

My parents weren’t perfect. They made mistakes, lots of mistakes that left scars. But as I’ve grown older and become a parent myself, I’ve started to see things differently. I look at my children, and I see how much I love them, how much I want to do right by them. But I also see my own flaws, my own moments of anger and frustration, my own limitations. There is no manual for parenting, no perfect way to raise a child, they definitely don’t teach you that at school. We do the best we can with what we know, and sometimes, we get it wrong.

My parents were learning too. They had their own traumas, their own struggles, and they were navigating the complexities of life just as I am now. They didn’t always get it right, in fact, they often got it wrong. But they did what they could with what they had, and I have to believe that they loved us in the best way they knew how.

Forgiving my parents wasn’t about excusing what happened or pretending that everything was okay. It was about letting go of the need to blame, letting go of the anger that was only hurting me. It was about choosing peace for myself and recognizing that holding onto resentment was like holding onto a burning coal, it only burned me.

The Power of Moving Forward

When I chose to forgive, I felt a sense of freedom that I hadn’t felt in years. It was as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I no longer felt the need to prove anything, to hold onto the pain of the past. I could see my parents as human beings, flawed but deserving of love, just as I am. I could see their aging faces, the years that have passed, and the vulnerability that comes with growing old.

My siblings, on the other hand, are still carrying that weight. They are still dwelling on the past, still angry, still blaming. They’ve distanced themselves from our parents, unwilling to let go of what happened, unwilling to forgive. And it breaks my heart because I see the pain it causes, not just to my siblings, but to my parents as well. They are aging, and I know their time is limited. They deserve peace too, even if they made mistakes.

In the end, I am the last one in contact with them, and I have chosen to help them in their final years. I do it not because I’ve forgotten the past, but because I’ve chosen to move beyond it. I do it because I want my children to see what forgiveness looks like. I want them to know that no one is perfect, that we all make mistakes, and that love is more important than being right.

Choosing Peace and Teaching Forgiveness

Life is short. We often forget that as we hold onto grudges, as we replay the past in our minds, as we let anger dictate our actions. But the truth is, we don’t have forever, at least in those human suits. Our parents won’t be here forever, and neither will we. One day, we will be the aging parents, the ones who made mistakes, the ones who wish for forgiveness from our children.

I want my children to know that it’s okay to forgive. I want them to know that forgiveness isn’t about condoning what happened, it’s about choosing peace over pain, love over resentment. I want them to see me forgiving my parents so that when I make mistakes, and I know I will, they will find it in their hearts to forgive me too.

Forgiveness is a choice. It’s a choice to break the cycle, to let go of the anger that keeps us stuck, to open our hearts to the possibility of healing. It’s not easy, and it doesn’t happen overnight. It took me years to reach this point, years of struggling with my own pain, years of learning to see my parents not as the cause of my suffering but as people who were trying their best.

If you’re struggling with forgiving your parents, I want you to know that it’s okay to feel the pain, it’s okay to be angry. But don’t let that anger define your life. Don’t let it keep you from moving forward, from experiencing the love and peace that you deserve. Forgive, not for them, but for yourself. Forgive so that you can be free, so that you can live without the weight of the past holding you back.

Forgive Because Life Is Short

Today, I am at peace with my past. I am at peace with my parents, and I am at peace with myself. I see my parents as they are, imperfect, aging, and still learning. I choose to be there for them, to help them in their final years, because I know that’s what love is. It’s not about being perfect, it’s about showing up, even when it’s hard, even when it hurts.

I hope that one day, my siblings will find it in their hearts to forgive. I hope that they will see the power in letting go of the past and choosing peace. And I hope that my children, watching me, will learn that forgiveness is the key to a life of freedom, love, and true connection.

Forgive your parents, they were learning too. Life is too short to hold onto the pain of the past. Choose peace, choose love, and choose to move forward. Not just for them, but for yourself, and for the generations that come after you.

If you’re struggling with forgiveness, take a moment to reflect on what’s holding you back. Reach out if you need someone to talk to, and remember that forgiveness is a journey. It’s not about forgetting, it’s about choosing to live in peace. Let’s walk this path together.