There were things I had done in my life that haunted me far longer than the consequences ever did. Not because they were public or punished, but because they lived inside me. Quietly. Relentlessly.
And for the longest time, I carried the weight like it was my cross to bear forever.
But one day, in the middle of what felt like another round of self-blame and spiritual exhaustion, something whispered inside me:
“I already forgave you. Why haven’t you?”
I broke.
Because that voice didn’t sound like guilt.
It sounded like God.
The Lie of Worthiness
We grow up thinking forgiveness must be earned. That we have to crawl, pay penance, prove we’re sorry enough, broken enough, good enough.
So we rehearse our shame.
We replay our mistakes.
We tie our worth to the worst thing we ever did or the person we used to be.
And that’s the trap.
Forgiveness isn’t about worth. It’s about truth.
And the truth is: you were never meant to carry this forever.
What I Learned About the Pain I Created
The hardest thing about self-forgiveness isn’t admitting what you did.
It’s accepting that even that version of you was loved.
That the one who messed up was still redeemable. That the shadow didn’t cancel the soul.
And most people never get to healing because they can’t fathom being worthy of it.
I get it.
But here’s what set me free:
You don’t have to be the whos you were. You just have to stop dragging them around.
What Helped Me Forgive Myself (and Might Help You)
1. Talk to the Younger You
Don’t shame them. Understand them.
Write to them. Ask what they needed. Give it now.
2. Say it Out Loud
“I forgive myself.”
Not once. Not perfectly. But daily.
The repetition builds new wiring where the guilt used to live.
3. Repair If You Can—But Release Either Way
Sometimes you can’t make it right with the person you hurt.
But you can choose to never become the one who caused that pain again.
4. Stop Worshipping the Past
Yes—worship.
If you replay it more than you pray for what’s next, you’re giving it power over your future.
5. Let the Lesson Become the Light
You didn’t suffer for nothing.
You lived through it to teach someone else how to survive it too.
Let your scars speak wisdom, not warning.
A Truth I Now Live By
God’s forgiveness isn’t pending.
It’s not waiting for your final apology.
It’s already done.
You’re not waiting on Him.
You’re waiting on you.
The cage was never locked. You just forgot the key was in your hand.
I forgave myself not because I deserved it, but because holding onto it was costing me my joy, my peace, and my purpose.
You can stay in the loop of self-punishment forever. Or you can walk free today.
I chose to walk.
And I hope you do too.
You’re not broken beyond repair.
You’re just becoming.
Let this be the day the sentence ends. Let this be the day you walk forward, not looking back.
@CoachG_X
Life | Mind | Spirit
You are already forgiven. Now live like it.
